Pain. We avoid it, we medicate it, we reject it. Our relationship with pain is complicated and misunderstood. Pain can beset us on all levels, defying every effort to keep it under control.
We carry wounds from our childhood, and from even past lives. The irony of the pain response to trauma is that it doesn’t always show up on the same level that the original wound occurred. We know, of course, that all levels (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) are part of the same whole, so with that in mind, we work out our wounding on multiple levels.
Several days ago I had arthroscopic surgery on my right knee. It was supposed to be a quick and easy surgery with an easy recovery. The reality was anything but easy. There was more extensive damage than the doctor had anticipated, so the procedure become more extensive.
The first two days I was in excruciating pain and for three days, I bled constantly, necessitating additional phone calls to the doctor and an emergency visit to see him. I spent several days in a medicated fog that I hated with all my heart.
Days later, I was still in significant pain. I went to the doctor for my post-op visit yesterday and was told that everything looked good and that “some people have a more difficult experience than others”, a response I found less than helpful. And the doctor offered to give me more opioid pain medication, something I definitely do not want.
I resisted this pain with every breath in my body and beat of my heart. I could feel my body tighten up when a pulse of pain rocked through my knee. After a while, I began to ask myself why. And I asked myself what my pain is trying to tell me.
As I sank deeper and deeper into my pain (please note how I claimed it there. Not “the “pain. No, I made it mine.), I realized that I viewed the pain as an adversary. I realized that I had forgotten that any physical response from the body is a message.
Ever since my surgery, I have been struggling to use Wholing energy on myself, particularly to mitigate the pain I have been experiencing. It has until last night been largely unsuccessful. I used the word “struggling”
because that is how it has felt. I couldn’t get out of the way of the pain to allow the energy to flow.
Last night I awoke after about three hours of sleep by the pain. This had become typical. I awoke frustrated and after tossing and turning and hurting, I just let go. I surrender my pain. I dropped down, down, down into it and through it to that holy place where everything is exactly as it should be. And my pain just melted away....
I awoke this morning refreshed and pain free. My knee is tender still still but the knife deep agony is gone.
In that moment of let go, I found grace. I found Wholeness. I had been lost in resistance and being frustrating because I felt I couldn’t heal myself. I had felt frustrated in my life and stuck. I came to see that it has never been about healing; it is about being Whole in every moment. It has been about letting go of what I perceived as my condition to be able to embrace All That I Am.
Admittedly, it wasn’t easy to get there. The pain got in the way, the resistance to the pain got in the way, and so did anger and the pain pills and the anesthesia, but ultimately, what got in the way of relief for me was - me. As soon as I allowed my body to be its Whole perfect self, the pain slid away. The pain was as bad as it was to keep my attention riveted on it so I could receive its message. The more I resisted, the more pain.
The knee represents flexibility and humility. In my case, my absolute sense of responsibility had overtaken my ability to surrender to a Higher Purpose. My life had become based on “have to’s” rather than Spirit driven purpose. I had become inflexible and as a result, I had not felt centered or balanced in months. Worst of all, I had been oblivious. At least, I had until the pain demanded I wake up and surrender.
Pain awakens and notifies. Pain can devour and bring healing. Pain is who we are, where we have been and what we choose to take forward. Pain is the teacher who catapults us to greater heights as we embrace it and allow it to teach and guide us.
There is No Thing in this life that can keep you from You. Circumstances, including our wounding, will appear to get in the way, attempting to
prevent us from listening, from embracing the truth. These circumstances are mirages, and yet the lessons they deliver are powerful ones, designed to bring us face to face with ourselves. It is in this place that we learn absolute trust in all that is. It is in this place that the Observer’s Perch becomes intensely personal at the same moment that it allows us to view ourselves from a divine perspective. It is in this place that we embrace pain’s purpose and step into our lives, newly empowered and garbed in Light.
Let your pain speak to you. It speaks with the voice of Love.
***This guidance column was written by Jan Finley for TheCosmicPath.com. It may be shared freely, but only when the author’s name and website are included.