As I sit down to write my offering, I am really at a loss for anything to write this week. Usually, I have something poking at me that demands to be put on paper but all I can think this week is that I am tired. Between the political circus and my own personal life, I have reached a wall. As my daughter said yesterday, “I am tired of the bad guys winning all the time.” Sometimes it really feels that way.
Now, I know that is not the case, even while it may seem so. As “out there”, so inside. So yes, this all comes back to me and my own responsibility.
What has made me so emotionally and mentally exhausted is not what anyone has done, but my own reaction to these events. Both of these situations have been festering, for lack of a better word, for several years now. I have endeavored to stay focused and balanced, hoping to ride this craziness out and then everything would be ok again.
I believed this even though I knew that the breaking that is taking place is not something we just move past or get over. The old world is breaking because it has to. Its time is over and a new age is beginning. But somehow, deep inside I still hoped it would all work out.
So I toughed it out, being strong for everyone around me. Everyone that is, except for me. My physical body has taken a toll this last year and the universe has provided me with many messages that it might be time for me so stop doing what I am doing in the same old way and regroup. Or maybe just surrender...
How could I possibly do that, I wondered. I am the wise elder, the loving mother, grandmother, friend... I had to keep everyone else focused forward, trusting and having faith with wide-open hearts. I was so busy doing all of this that I completely lost myself. I thought I was taking care of mySelf, but I wasn’t. At least not in the way my Self needed.
During my fruitless attempts to channel something, I found myself worrying about how I was going to have enough energy and physical resources to entertain friends who are coming to visit in March. It was that moment that I suddenly stopped and asked myself what I thought I was doing. My ego had run amok and I was a willing accomplice!! What a slap up the side of the head and blessed awakening...all at the same time.
And so today I am told:
You have allowed yourself to be crucified in a construct of your own making. You see that now, do you not? We laugh gently at how hard you have worked to create this trap for yourself, for it is a trap and one easily escaped from when one remembers who one truly is...
You have experienced your perceived outer world as a pendulum at the outer edges of its swing before it reverses course. Similarly, you have experienced yourself as a taut rubber band stretched to the breaking point. What you have perceived “out there” as a pendulum swinging in an ever reaching arc, stretching, stretching, just a little bit more, is an illusion and nothing more, as is your own rubber band. They are only as “real” as you make them.
The intensity of your focus and attention has created a sense that if one looks away one might miss the moment “it all changes.” You have forgotten that it is all Now in this moment of time/space. The “pendulum” is swinging, has swung and will swing again. Or does not exist at all...
Time/space is subjective, you know, and the intensity of your focus makes the process you are “caught” in seem endless while your attachment to outcome creates an emotional and mental response to what you perceive as this never-ending cycle.
Far better for you to forget the pendulum and rubber band altogether and place your attention on something as simple and miraculous as your heartbeat. In the sanctity of your own heart is the simple solace you so desire. Contemplate the joys of your life and let gratitude be your wellspring. Imagine yourself awash in gratitude, bathing every cell of your body. Feel how your body, mind and spirit begin to lighten in this sacred space of immersive gratitude.
How similar gratitude is to love, is it not? For surely we say to you, they are petals on the same flower.
Sometimes the answer is so simple.
“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the Light.” Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
***This guidance column was written by Jan Finley for TheCosmicPath.com. It may be shared freely, but only when the author’s name and website are included.